I am trying not to put too many details of our situation on here to protect our son's privacy. But there is one thing I would like feedback on. We have a named birthfather. He is not denying that he is the father. He is, shall we say, difficult. According to our lawyer, the adoption decree won't affect parental rights of anyone other than the three we get consents from (there is also a legal father who everyone acknowledges is not the biological father). So, should anyone turn up at a later date, that could cause some problems. It's not that we don't trust the birthmother is telling the truth, but we obviously don't want something nagging us down the road.
Our lawyer has advised that we either confirm paternity through a DNA test, which requires the birthfather's cooperation, or go the public reporting route. This would be similar to what happens in the case of unknown birthfathers where you post notices in local newspapers saying "hey, if you had sex with this woman around this time in this area, there is an adoption happening." Or something like that. I don't know the actual wording of these notices, but it does involve publicizing the name of the birthmother in her local papers.
I don't want to cause the birthmother any more pain than she is already going through and so adding this embarrassment for her is not something I want to do. On the other hand, it's not clear at all that the birthfather would go along with a paternity test. He is difficult enough without making him question whether he is actually the father. And that in itself can cause problems for the birthmother if he starts questioning her. What would you do?
5 months ago