I'm sure many of you know how hard it can be to see our siblings have children. As much as I love my nieces and nephews and am happy for my siblings, they can still make me fall apart. But the thing is for me, it varies by sibling.
My older sister is the closest in age to me; only two years older. Truth be told, growing up I always imagined we would have kids around the same age and the cousins would all play together. It didn't quite work out that way as she got married almost right out of high school and had three kids pretty quickly. I had just barely started dating DH when the third was born and I was in no position to think of having a baby as a real thing that I would do. Those older three are of course dear to me, but they don't bring up the same emotions of sadness and envy that are so familiar to all of us with IF. It is her youngest that brings these feelings up the most out of her kids. It was his birth that got me and DH thinking of children as something in our someday future to something that could be reality. And as he is growing quickly, I am reminded of how long it has taken us.
My younger sister's daughter was heartbreaking to me. She is adorable and of course I am happy for them, but still I cried myself to sleep the night my niece was born. This sister is 6 years younger than me, they married after we did, and made a very public announcement of when they would start TTC so it was apparent they had no problems. As we had already started trying by then, I see this niece as the one that could have been mine. I could have a toddler by now; a little girl who is starting to talk and makes funny faces and likes to sing. My sister recently quit her job to be a stay at home mother and they are in the process of buying a house, so I am bracing myself for when they will announce she is pregnant again.
One brother is in Afghanistan right now, so I don't think there is much opportunity there for him to make a baby.
And then there is my baby brother. Although our age difference has kept us from being too close, he has a special place in my heart. See, when my younger siblings were real little, the three older kids (myself, my older sister, and a relative our age who lived with my dad and stepmom) would take care of the three younger ones. Since the numbers worked out, we split them up. I would take charge of my baby brother. So I always feel like I have to look out for him.
Yesterday he announced he is getting married. To a woman who already has a three year old. I'm happy for him and glad he has her in his life. But now even my littlest brother will be a parent before me. Sigh.
Fever, sleeplessness, septic, landscaping
3 weeks ago