One of the things I struggle with the most as we go down this adoption road is the amount of money involved. I am not so worried about actually affording it (which I know is a blessing compared to others). My husband is finishing grad school this semester so the part of our income that used to go into his tuition fund is now going into our adoption fund. I am more conflicted over the idea of whether we are buying a baby.
I know with the home study and the lawyer fees, you are basically paying the cost of these people's time who are providing a necessary service. So those costs don't bother me as much. Plus they are small potatoes compared to the placement fees. It is when we get to discussions about placement fees that I get uncomfortable and wonder where that money is going. Some agencies provide extensive services to birth mothers (counseling, housing, etc). I can understand that and see how it might be easier to just charge an average fee to cover those costs rather than keep track of every nickel. But some agencies charge more healthy White babies than other types of babies. And this is where my conflicting emotions come in. I mean, the costs involved in providing services for a birth mother certainly vary, but I would assume they don't vary in the way their fee structure is set up. If anything, their fee structure is the opposite of what the actual costs would be. For example, providing services to a mother who is having a special needs child is probably more expensive than someone with a healthy child, but the placement fee is less.
This makes me think we should go the private adoption route and thus pay the actual costs of providing the services the birth mother needs. But that whole process makes me feel overwhelmed. There is a comfort in going to a "one stop shop" agency. But the fact that I just use the term shopping to describe our process of bringing a child into our family makes me horrible. I don't know how we will resolve this, but it is something bouncing around in my head as we figure out what to do.
4 weeks ago