Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Making decisions

Although the decision to stop treatment and pursue adoption seemed momentous, with all the other decisions facing us now it seems like deciding to adopt was the easy part. Now we have to decide how to adopt. International or domestic? What age range would we consider? What special needs would we accept? Siblings? And it goes on.

I have no clue how to go about making these decisions. We have our first information meeting next week with an agency, so maybe they provide resources for these decisions. For instance, I want to know what is involved in caring for a child with a particular need if we are going to be open to that.

As for age range, I do prefer a younger child, but may be open to someone other than a newborn. But I'm not quite sure how that is different and have questions about things like how desirable it is to change a child's name if you adopt, say, a one year old. Is it wrong if I can't imagine myself spending a lifetime saying one of the crazy names that people seem to give kids these days?

I am not even sure about domestic or international. My gut says to go for domestic, but that is because we are open to a child of any race and I can see us with an African American or mixed race child that will fit right in with my nieces and nephews (who are mixed race). But then I think, if that is the reason, wouldn't a child from Africa fit in just as well as an African American baby? And perusing the international adoption sites made me think my aunt and cousin who were born in the Philippines would be a great resource if we adopted from there.


  1. Missy, I'm so excited for you and can't wait to read about your journey to adoption!

  2. I'm so so excited for you! I know when I was looking into adoption awhile back I found some great online forums which had awesome first hand accounts and info. I unfortunately didn'tbookmark them but one thing I do remember is that I now have a much better idea of what open/semi-open/ closed adoption are, and think that open adoption is actually really great- whereas before I was worried it increased the chances of the birth mother being able to take the baby back.

    I know you and your husband will come up with good answers for all your questions/decisions, and I also know that there isn't a right or better way to adopt.

    Whether you end up doing international or domestic/ newborn or 6month old, etc. you are going to be a great mother and that is what is important.

    I can't wait to follow you on this journey!!

  3. You may remember (vaguely?) that I posted a Parenting Plan that our agency made us fill out prior to search. It was incredibly helpful in making sure we had lists of resources before ever needing them.

    One of the things we had to do was research pediatricians. An agency likely won't be able to give you as much information as you want about caring for a child with a specific need, but pediatricians, therapists, other providers, will. My recommendation is to look to them for guidance.

    We made sure our pediatrician was okay with us calling him for questions about referrals. We used him and did ask questions and it was really helpful. We also had a list of special needs that we had to go through and on anything we weren't sure of, we consulted the providers.

    If you want that parenting plan and list, let me know, I can email it to you. The link on my blog is broken somehow. Grumble.

  4. So many important questions! I'd be very interested in reading about your adoption journey -- we're not quite there yet, but it certainly is an option on the horizon.


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