Cloth diapering

OK, I need advice. We are cloth diapering. I purchased a couple of different types of diapers from different brands with the idea that we will try them out and see which type/brand we like the most.

But, what else do I need? Do we still get a diaper genie, or what do I put dirty diapers in before washing them? How do I wash them? Any special supplies I need for the washing?

Also, just so you know, we are not planning on CD while we are in ICPC. Laundry in a hotel will be enough of a pain that we are not going to worry about that. But the plan is that it basically means we are not worrying about newborn size diapers and just getting one size.

2012 book challenge

OK, I admit I didn't reach my 2011 goal of reading 40 books. Actually, I hit 25. I am a glutton for punishment, so I will try again in 2012. Hopefully my time for reading will go down in March, so I'll set my goal at 26 books. One more than last year. Go over to Kristin's place if you want to learn more about the challenge.

I already reviewed the books I read that were related to adoption. I read a few other non-fiction books.

-What Catholics Really Believe
-3 Cups of Tea
-The Case for District-Based Reform
-Inside School Turnarounds

For the general audience, 3 Cups of Tea would be of the most interest. But Catholics or educators might be interested in the others.

As for fiction:

-The Hunger Games (I practically inhaled the first one after getting it for a Christmas gift. I am now on the third)
-The Future of Us (Aimed at a teen audience, but full of cultural references for those in their early-mid 30s; it's about teens in the late 1990s who somehow see their future on this weird thing called F.ace.book)
-Savannah Blues (good chick lit)
-Savannah Breeze (and another)
-Something Borrowed (and one more)
-Prayer for Owen Meany (denser than most of what I read this year, but very good)
-House on Oyster Creek
-Possessing the Secret of Joy
-Freedom (not a fan, despite this book being highly touted)
-State of Wonder by Ann Pachett (loved it)
-Little Bee
-All three of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (loved them! And saw the movie this past weekend!)
-Cutting for Stone
-Prodigal Summer (terrific!)

Misc updates

Well, so much for the glider taking 2 months! It is already here.

I talked to the agency again today and started feeling a little better that she wasn't putting too much pressure on the birthparents, so that is good.

We've been busy making preparations. We decided on a name and told our family. Most people like it, although my older sister, who has quite unusual names for her own kids, said it was odd. WTH?! She said she just needs to get used to it. I told our mom and she replied, "it's been 12 years and I'm still getting used to one name she gave my grandkid!" LOL

We haven't gotten a response from the bm yet, but I know she was nervous about having direct contact, so we'll see. I want to start writing letters to our future son and save them for him.

She did have another dr appt, and the due date has been pushed back quite a bit. So now we have about 2-3 more weeks than we thought.

It's a boy!

We wrote a letter to the bm today and as I was writing that, the excitement really starting coming in! Although it was still such a hard letter to write. How do you convey everything that is going on in your heart and mind? The dictionary doesn't have words that fit what we are feeling.

And, we found out it is a boy!

Match, round 2

Well, here we go again! We have another match. This baby is due in mid-February, so only a month away. I don't want to give too many details, but there do not seem to be any health problems to be worried about. The gender is unknown at this point. We have not spoken with the bm directly yet.

I am, however, having trouble getting excited. Partly it is due to our one failed match and so trying to be cautious. But I also have concerns about the agency. We found this agency through an online networking site that serves as kind of a FB for the adoption community. They posted a situation they were having trouble finding families for, and we responded. Things happened pretty quickly. There was nothing in the details of the situation or in the requirements/fee structure of the agency that gave us any pause, so we proceeded. But with a couple of comments made as we got closer to a match, I am getting concerned that they are putting a pretty hard sell for adoption on the woman. And that they don't think the men get any say.

So we don't know what to do. On the one hand, we feel pretty strongly that we don't want to put too much pressure on the bm and bf and want them to feel that this is really the best decision. On the other hand, we are not sure if we should let the agency be what stops us. We don't know everything and maybe some of the comments that concern us are more a reflection of the agency trying to make us feel comfortable than anything else.

I was just talking to a friend the other day about how the more we interact with agencies, they more confident I feel in our main agency because I am sure they work with women to explore what it would take to parent the child and not just focus on adoption. But in my discussions with our main agency, they also say that they find that demand for their services has gone down as women are more attracted to these other types of agencies that promise the world to women who choose adoption. I wish there was some way we could change that. I don't want to be part of that, but then again, if this woman has chosen this particular agency, what difference would it make if the baby came to us or someone else?

Adoption books

I signed up for the Adoption Book Challenge of 2011. My goal was to read 12 books, 6 fiction and 6 nonfiction that touched on adoption.

Here's how I did:

Nonfiction:
Adopted for Life by Russell Moore
Inconceivable by Shannon Woodward
Whole Life Adoption Book, Jayne Schooler
Dear Birthmother, Kathleen Silber
In on it, Elisabeth O'Toole
Attachment in Adoption, Deborah Gray
Labor of the Heart, Kathleen Whitten

Fiction:
State of Wonder, Ann Patchett
Little Bee, Chris Cleave
Cutting for Stone, Abraham Verghese

OK, clearly I did better in the nonfiction rather than fiction category. And, truth be told, I did not know any of those three books touched on adoption themes when I picked them up. I was not too big a fan of Little Bee, although it was a book that lots of people were talking about last year.

As for the best of the nonfiction books, I liked Labor of the Heart and the Whole Life Adoption Book. Attachment in Adoption is really more of a reference book and I would recommend it for people experiencing attachment problems or those adopting older children. In On It is designed for extended families of prospective adoptive parents and I gave a copy to both of our mothers. It is a good introduction to some issues in adoption and how they can help us. My mom has said it really helped her understand what I am going through, so I think it is a good book to share.

Stuff

Here is a dilemma regarding preparing for adoption that I don't know what to do about. Every piece of advice I get says to not have a baby shower until after a baby is here. Or at the very least a match. And from what I can tell from my family, it is hard for them to get excited in the abstract. In the brief few days we had a match, people were talking about buying us all kinds of stuff. But then all the excitement died down. And for good reason as I didn't want to think about the failed match either. But now I want to start preparing again. My MIL purchased a few "big" items when we had a match and she said the rest of the things she will buy for us are clothes and smaller, more personal things. And with repeated prompting, I was able to get my mom to buy us a crib. I say repeated prompting because when we had a match, she volunteered to buy us a crib. We had not yet picked one out before the match fell through, so she never did. But we did put together a registry and it took a few times mentioning it before she got the idea that we do still want to buy a few big items. So now we have a car seat and a crib.

But there are a couple of other bigger items that I want, such as a glider chair. I could imagine some family members pulling resources together to buy one for us. But they won't come up with that idea on their own until a baby shower is planned. And yet I will want one sooner rather than later, especially since BRU says it can take a month after the order is placed to get it. I know there are few things you need in those first few weeks, but if a shower does happen for the first month or so, and then it takes a month to get here, that is a long period of time. Plus, knowing myself, I will already feel bad about now being able to breastfeed, I want to at least be able to rock my baby. So I am tempted to just buy the glider myself.