Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts
Showing posts with label weight. Show all posts

Friday, November 6, 2009

RE appt today

I have an appt with my RE today. After several rounds of clomid and then femara, we are ready to move on to IUI. We've talked about this a lot and know it is what we want to do. But still I'm nervous and hesitant. Logically I know that it will likely be a while before we actually do the IUI and that we've been in this for a long time already, but emotionally it feels so sudden and like such a big step.

I think my hesitation is also due to my fears that it won't work. The planner that I am, I'm already thinking through the next several steps. DH and I both don't feel comfortable with IVF and the idea of having our embryos just hanging around. So right now our plan is that if IUI doesn't work, we will move on to adoption. But then this feels so final as well. What if it doesn't work? Will I be able to face our options then? As we get closer I already have had some different thoughts in my head about IVF. For example, would we think differently if we agree to eventually transfer all embryos? But then wonder I if these second thoughts are just my way to find a rationalization for something I'm not that comfortable with. I know there is a big difference between IUI and IVF both in terms of intensity of the experience and everything entailed. But still I lump them together. The funny thing is, I don't think my worries are that related to the real concern of multiples. I know DH is worried about that. I'm more focused on the fear of what if it doesn't work and what do we do then?

On another note, there is one reason I'm looking forward to this appointment. At our last appointment, she told me it would help if I lost weight, even if I lost 10 pounds. Well, I did that. Actually, I lost 15 pounds since then, but stress-related eating due to a busy period at work and Halloween candy put me back at a net of 11 pounds. I know other people have noticed. Let's hope my dr does as well.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Random thoughts

Here are today's random thoughts:

I don't think I'm meant for yoga. There I was, trying to relax after doing several poses. We just supposed to lay flat, breathe, and relax. Then the instructor came around and said she would move some of our shoulders. Who did she come to first? That's right, me. I hate to think how I looked doing the poses; I can't even relax right!

Another sign that I'm not meant for yoga. As we were laying there relaxing, the instructor kept repeating, "your jaw is relaxing, your jaw is relaxing, your arms are relaxing, your arms are relaxing," etc. I couldn't help but think, "this room is freezing, this room is freezing."

School has started here. Even seeing the school bus makes me sad. On the first day of school when I arrived home from work, I saw a neighbor's kid return from his first day of kindergarten. Everyone in the house came out to meet his bus. A big day in their house. I want that.

My second thought after seeing this kid get off the bus? Why was the the bus dropping him off after 5pm?

I feel like I've finally gotten into a good place with my exercising. We lost power yesterday right after noon. But since it was so close to noon, when the clock started flashing at 12:00, it was only a few minutes off and so I only to push the minute button a few times to get it set again. And then I set my alarm clock so I was all set to wake up early for my morning gym class. But I forgot that the flashing clock assumed AM rather than PM, so while my alarm was set for 5:30 am, my clock said 5:30 pm and so it didn't go off and I ended up waking up 20 minutes late. I still jumped out of bed and made it to my class 15 minutes late. First I was so proud I still made it. Second I was actually glad that I felt odd in the morning because I'm getting used to working out and my body wants it now.

The reason I was able to motivate myself to get out of bed and go to the gym even though I knew I'd be late? Last night we went to the Cheesecake Factory. We had some yummy cheesecake. And there is still half of my slice left to eat today.

Thursday, July 23, 2009

169.6

I feel like I'm making progress losing weight. I started noticing a few days ago that my body felt less jiggly and more toned. I also noticed the other day that it was easier for me to walk up the three flights of steps to my office. I work on the 4th floor(and one of those floors has an auditorium so it is extra tall) and try to use the stairs to get a few more steps in. Usually by the time I get to the top I'm huffing and puffing, but it hasn't been so bad the past few days. And this evening according to Wii Fit (the closest thing I have to a scale in my house), I came in at 169.6! This is the first time I've been under 170 since our wedding. So this definitely feels like a victory.

To make it even better, this was after I had a couple desserts at a dinner picnic this evening. So it wasn't just an empty stomach. Since I've been using the WiiFit often and weighing myself more, I've been noticing swings in weight. For example I could tell that our dinner out at the Melting Pot made me gain 1.5 pounds! Luckily that was only a temporary upswing and now things are back down and down even farther. So I'm hoping this is not just a downswing but part of the real trend.

It has been hard to wake myself up early to attend these morning exercise classes I started going to before work. But I think they really work for me and it's a way to get some exercise without losing motivation after a long day at work.

Friday, May 15, 2009

RE update

Some thoughts from my most recent RE appt:

1. Apparently my diagnosis is “ovulatory infertility,” which, when she described it, sounded an awful like unexplained infertility. She doesn’t think the male factor is that big a problem given hubby’s second SA results. Even though the lab that did the test called his motility and morphology “low”, she thought it was pretty normal. So either the first SA was a bad test or the vitamins he’s been taking have worked. As for me, she is concerned about the variable length of my cycles and short LP phase which would indicate not very good ovulation. She doesn’t think I have endo and as for PCOS which she previously thought I had, said I have only a mild variant of it.

2. Her clinic recently moved locations to this brand new facility. Still part of the same university hospital, but in a different location. Actually, the hospital converted a shopping mall to a medical clinic where the big stores on the outside on the first floor are still retail (so you can move straight from your OB appt to Babies R Us…less helpful if your visit is for IF). The inside of the mall on the first floor are hospital administration offices (billing, etc). The second floor is where all the clinics are, plus a bagel shop. This was quite a strange experience although it seems to work. I was tempted to stop by Michael’s on my way out.

3. This new clinic is all state of the art. Very high tech. The doctor spends the whole appointment typing away on the computer, which is kinda weird but then you can see the impact when she can easily review your status and know your whole history at the follow-up appointment. And I like the online system where you can message your doctor. But sometimes all these high tech goodies really seems unnecessary.

For instance.

When you show up at this clinic, instead of checking in with the nice ladies at the front counter, there are automated kiosks like you see at airports. They check you in, verify your current contact information and insurance, and can take any co-pays by credit card. It does not seem to me like these functions take all that much time or the lines are so long that taking this function away from real live people saves all that much. Especially since the next thing you do after using the kiosk is talk to the lady at the counter. She gives you the medical info sheet to complete and--get this--a buzzer! to let you know when the nurse is ready to see you. You get the fantastic experiences of both an airport and an overcrowded restaurant all before someone starts shoving things into your private parts (which, if you think about it, kinda goes with the airport theme).

4. Since I’ve had 3 unsuccessful cycles on clo.mid and this cycle I appear to have O’d without clo.mid, I had some blood drawn to check my progesterone levels. My temps definitely indicate I O’d on my own, but hopefully this will confirm that. The next step is to schedule an HSG for the first part of my next cycle.

5. She gave me a prescription for letrozole (Fem.ara). I’m a little worried about using a drug off-label. Need to learn more about this. I'm especially worried that it might cause birth defects.

6. When they designed this new clinic, apparently they thought people have gotten larger because the chairs are super wide. The chairs in the waiting areas seem normal enough, but once you are in the treatment rooms they get oddly wide. Not wide enough to be called a bench. Only one adult could sit there, or two little kids. But you can’t really sit there comfortably because they are so wide that the arm rests are too far apart.

7. She said we could go straight to IUI if we wanted, but since I’m young there is no need to rush and we can give it a few tries on another drug. I at least want to get the HSG done before we start with IUI.

8. She also said I could stand to lose 10 pounds to help with my ovulatory infertility. Ugh, I’ve been trying, really.

9. This appointment was both frustrating and encouraging. I left feeling like I had a plan and might see a baby at the end of this relatively soon. But frustrating because she took my diagnosis away! Unexplained IF is not fun at all (not that any IF is any fun).

9. I asked my hubby if it was weird to give the semen sample in a dr office, but not specifically about showing up in a OB/GYN's office. While I was sitting in the waiting room, a man shows up by himself and checks in. Why else would a man be at a women's health center by himself? The entire shopping mall clinic does have other offices, but this section was at the end and most definitely focused on women's health.

Wednesday, April 1, 2009

174

Yay! I lost 4 pounds in the last 15 days. I feel like my work and attention to diet has been paying off. Now I just have to keep it up.

Of course, reading this did not help. Now that's an IF diet I can get used to.

Sunday, March 15, 2009

178

OK, I've always prided myself on not stressing over my weight. I say pride b/c I've had anorexic and bulimic friends and the constant worry over weight is not worth it. I do try to eat healthy and walk to work when the weather is tolerable. It's not like I'm terribly unhealthy. But still, I'm overweight for my height.

I also find my battle with my weight slightly ironic. First I gained about 10 pounds when I started hormones to avoid getting pregnant (birth control pills). I was very excited to see some weight loss when I stopped BCP, but of course no dice. Now I've gained 5 pounds since starting hormones to get me pregnant (clomid). I can't win either way.

I'm hesitant to make my weight public. Society has drilled in us pretty strongly the idea that being overweight makes us unattractive and undeserving. I don't buy into that (at least not consciously). But I don't want my weight to serve as a barrier to our ultimate goal, having a baby. So if losing my extra pounds will make it even a teeny tiny bit more likely to get pregnant, I'm going for it. It certainly isn't the oddest thing we area doing in this process.

So I'm putting my starting point out there. I need some accountability and figure this is the best way to get it. Let it begin.
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