Update

Sorry for falling off the earth for a while. I took on some consulting work to put a little more money in our baby fund and I was swamped for a while. But now that is mostly done, so my life can get back to whatever normal. Except I am going on a work trip this week. So maybe not normal yet.

We have been spending the past two weeks talking about what our next steps are after seeing the new clinic. We have been thinking of various scenarios where we might do IVF. While part of me wants to go for it, I've also been feeling hesitant and that it is not quite right for us. Then today we were in church and the homily was about making a total commitment to God and how easy it is to come up with excuses for things in our lives. Sitting there listening to that, I kept thinking about IVF and I really do think the scenarios we have been talking about are ways to justify doing something we don't feel like we should be doing. I'm still not sure what our future holds, but I'm beginning to think that it does not include IVF. And I think I'm OK with that.

New doctor

We had our first consult with a new doctor today. This clinic is basically our only other option in this area. The bad news is they are more expensive with our insurance. The good news is hopefully they are more successful.

The appointment didn't get off to a good start since they didn't have my medical history from my current doctor. Another thing I need to check up on because I know I asked for them to send it. Anyway, he did an ultrasound and exam and of course asked a bunch of questions and did have some of DH's medical records from the urologist he saw. He didn't have much new for us in terms of a diagnosis. There is still our swimmer problem and not so good ovulation for me, but no identifiable (and thus potentially correctable) cause of the problems.

He recommended we go straight to IVF with ICSI. He said we could try IUI with FSH stimulation. His reasoning was that for most people the IUIs have lower success rates, so you end up spending all this money on IUIs and then need to spend money on the IVF anyway. When pressed, he did think we could potentially do another cl0mid plus IUI cycle, mainly because although technically we did it twice, the circumstances were such that I feel we only gave it one good shot.

Since I am leaning towards the IUI route, he recommended we have the sperm penetration assay. Anyone familiar with that? Basically it sounds like they try to see if DH's sperm can penetrate hamster eggs. If not, then there is little chance they could penetrate my eggs without ICSI. We have that scheduled for next week.

He also brought up getting screened for cystic fibrosis. While neither of us have CF, we could be carriers (Caucasians have a 1/25 chance of being a carrier). And if we are both carriers then any child would have a 1/4 chance of having CF. What do you guys think? DH is not inclined to get tested for this as it is not something most couples do and the test is expensive. And the chances of two people who don't have CF having a baby with CF is pretty low. I'm more inclined to get one of us tested and hope it comes back negative.

RE appt today

I have an appt with my RE today. After several rounds of clomid and then femara, we are ready to move on to IUI. We've talked about this a lot and know it is what we want to do. But still I'm nervous and hesitant. Logically I know that it will likely be a while before we actually do the IUI and that we've been in this for a long time already, but emotionally it feels so sudden and like such a big step.

I think my hesitation is also due to my fears that it won't work. The planner that I am, I'm already thinking through the next several steps. DH and I both don't feel comfortable with IVF and the idea of having our embryos just hanging around. So right now our plan is that if IUI doesn't work, we will move on to adoption. But then this feels so final as well. What if it doesn't work? Will I be able to face our options then? As we get closer I already have had some different thoughts in my head about IVF. For example, would we think differently if we agree to eventually transfer all embryos? But then wonder I if these second thoughts are just my way to find a rationalization for something I'm not that comfortable with. I know there is a big difference between IUI and IVF both in terms of intensity of the experience and everything entailed. But still I lump them together. The funny thing is, I don't think my worries are that related to the real concern of multiples. I know DH is worried about that. I'm more focused on the fear of what if it doesn't work and what do we do then?

On another note, there is one reason I'm looking forward to this appointment. At our last appointment, she told me it would help if I lost weight, even if I lost 10 pounds. Well, I did that. Actually, I lost 15 pounds since then, but stress-related eating due to a busy period at work and Halloween candy put me back at a net of 11 pounds. I know other people have noticed. Let's hope my dr does as well.

Reproductive news

I don't know if there's been a spike in news related to reproductive issues or just that I notice them more now. But it seems every day there is a new article in the mainstream news about reproductive rights. The big news today, of course, was President Obama's executive order allowing stem cell research. This was a much needed victory for science and chances for finding cures to diseases like this one that affect my family.

There is also the recent bill in Georgia to restrict IVF. This bill is so short-sighted and I hope Georgian legislators don't cut many responsible women off from IVF just because of the media farce that is octomom.

Even American Idol has stories about fertility!

My personal favorite is from my own state. A state legislator proposed this bill which would create a constitutional amendment that says:

Nothing in this Constitution secures or protects a right to a vasectomy. The people retain the right through their elected state representatives and state senators to enact, amend, or repeal statutes regarding how and when a vasectomy may be obtained, especially related to situations involving the knowledge and consent of a spouse when the person requesting the vasectomy is married.

The wording of the bill suggests it is the legislator's tongue in cheek way of pointing out that this bill is just as ridiculous as a similar bill about abortion. Nothing like changing the state constitution so we can enact laws that can't be implemented due to Roe v Wade.

Now that we are realizing how difficult it will be for us to have a baby without assistance, we've begun talking about what steps exactly we are prepared to take. Things like IUI and IVF are no longer abstract concepts, but procedures we may actually use. Does that make me change my mind about them? No. I still think that couples have the right to make these decisions for themselves and if anything am coming to realize how difficult these decisions are. It just puts them in a different perspective.