OMG! We have our first phone call scheduled with a prospective birthmother! She liked our profile and has narrowed it down to two families. We are talking to her tomorrow night and she is talking with the other family on Wednesday! The funny thing is I spent this weekend mad at our caseworker b/c she has been slow getting back to us on some questions and I was despairing that it would take us forever to get a match. And now I'm nervous that this might actually happen!
The two things I know she wants to talk about is how open is open adoption for us and whether we want to be in the delivery room. But I need your advice, what should we be asking?!
Dancing in the Rain…
5 years ago
Wow! So exciting!
ReplyDeleteregarding the delivery room... I told our dd's bm that I would love to be in the room when she is born, but that it wasn't a deal breaker for me. I let her know that it is a very emotional and personal time {aka. you are practically naked} and I'd be okay with whatever she wanted.
regarding openness... this is where you have to think long and hard and lay it all out. I told dd's bm that I wanted a really open adoption. I wanted to call her if anything came up and I needed let's say medical records. I was clear that I wanted once a year visits and that she too was free to contact me for updates and photos... but that I would close things a bit if I thought that she wasn't healthy for dd.
At 18 months we haven't seen her since dd was almost 2 months old {she moved away}. There was a long period when I didn't hear from her. We now talk 1-2 times a month. I truly care about her and miss her when I don't hear from her {and I worry}!
Feel free to email me if you have more questions.
I know tomorrow will go great. I hope you both are a great match...
PS. I totally felt like I was going on a blind date when we met our bm, lol!
I'm so excited for you Missy! Of course, I don't have any advice on meeting your potential birthmother, but I am so very happy that things are moving forward for you!
ReplyDeleteWOW!! That is SO exciting! I don't have much advice, but from what I have read people often suggest to spend time getting to know HER and less about the baby/ pregnancy since those can be the only things that end up being talked about. Keep us posted and I hope this is your match!
ReplyDeletemakingmemom.blogspot.com
OMG Missy! I have goose bumps for you just thinking about this!!! Can't wait to hear how it goes!
ReplyDeleteCongrats!!!
ReplyDeleteAs this is your first contact with her I would go easy on lots of big questions - except to answer hers - and like a PP said - be really interested in her. Find out about her. Show her you want to get to know her.
Good luck!!
This is so exciting!!! I can'tspeak from experience but I think asking her some questions about her instead of just about the pregnancy and baby is a great idea.
ReplyDeleteOMG, so exciting!! Good luck. I am sure you will be fine.
ReplyDeleteI have no advice as far as your questions go. Just have a good think and be honest.
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