Forward or backward?

We are thinking of backing away from our match. With the failed attempt at an in-person meeting last weekend, the inability to find a time to meet this weekend, and something that happened last week, we are beginning to lose confidence that the birthmother is committed to the adoption plan. We are wondering if the thing that happened last week is making her rethink the decision. Which of course she is completely entitled to do. But if these are the signs we are getting, we feel we should move on now before we get further entangled in this.

And our caseworker is not making us more confident that things will go OK for us. With the exception of a one line email on Monday morning saying she will me by the end of the day, we have not heard from her since Friday night when our meeting was cancelled. Although I despise the idea that we are "paying clients", if you expect me to write you a very large check and hope for the best, I expect you to return my phone calls in a timely manner.

Added to this is how we feel emotionally with the risk. As I said a few days ago, we have been praying for our path to become clear and are not sure what message we have been getting. On Sunday the gospel reading was about Peter walking on water but then doubting and starting to drown and the message we both got was to not be discouraged and have faith. And while I was willing to follow that message, I still felt very uneasy about it. But in the past two days as I've been thinking about backing away, I feel at peace about it. Hugely, hugely disappointed and I'm sure much crying will take place on the due date (I even have this adorable pumpkin hat all picked out for an October newborn). And I become ill at the thought of going through another holiday season without a baby. But still not second guessing that's what we should do. We are still trying to get some questions answered, so stay tuned.