Wednesday, February 23, 2011

Other announcements

Now that I have told my boss about our adoption, I am wondering how many other people or who else we should tell. We are not keeping it a secret, but then adoption is not something that comes up often in conversation. So when do I just bring it up?

And with this I hit a point where it is clear how the adoption journey is different from being pregnant. The people that I would want to hear from me personally if I was pregnant (with a few exceptions) know we are starting the adoption process. But I would guess after a while, you don't really tell people you are pregnant, they just see you and figure it out and ask. The latter part is what I don't know how to handle. For example, do I tell the people at work that I don't work with directly (so they wouldn't be impacted personally by my family leave). My book club? Acquaintances at church? Friends from my political group? These are all people that I would be happy to share our news with but yet don't know how to bring it up.

And then of course there is FB. I don't even know what to do about that. Once we are approved, I will want everyone to know in case they happen to hear of somebody's cousin or whatever who is thinking about making an adoption plan. But do I have to go there now? I am worried about the reaction I would get there and how it might make me feel, or especially not having any reaction. Given the way things tend to go on FB, that wouldn't be unexpected, but since any pregnancy post gets about 27 comments, I would want the same.

There are a few people I still feel like I should tell personally. Although I am hoping we can make it a little farther down the road to really open up. For example, people that I work with directly, like my assistant and co-workers who will take some of the burden of me being gone for two months. My assistant is already giving me looks every time I am feeling less than 100%. I am sure if it was not for the coffee I always have in my hand she would be crocheting baby booties for me on the side.


  1. My husband and I were planning on adopting for 2.5 years, so I got a little used to working it into conversations. Mostly I didn't stress about telling people explicitly, I would just work it into conversations casually. Like, if we were talking about potential plans for 1 year in the future, I'd say, "I'd love to go to that conference, but Matt and I are waiting to adopt, so it's possible that I'll be at home looking after a little one..." and that usually got the ball rolling. I get what you're saying about wanting people to know though! We were planning on adopting through the foster care system in Canada, and so we'd have between 3 days and 3 weeks of warning before having a child home with us all of a sudden. I thought it'd be weird if people have no idea, and then BAM we're insta-parents, as I called it.

    For facebook, I know that a lot of people who are adopting use the term, "paper pregnant." Maybe you could make an announcement that says, "We're Paper Pregnant! Our homestudy is complete, and now we're just waiting for our little miracle to come to our family..." I'm sure that will elicit AT LEAST as many responses as a run-of-the-mill pregnancy announcement. People generally seemed more excited to hear about adoption that pregnancy from what I've noticed!

    Lastly, there's this adoption blog that I love, called She's adopted a couple little boys, and is a great resource for all things adoption-related. On her blog she links to a list of posts related to pass-along-cards (, and when you were mentioning having your family and friends help out, I thought of that, and how it'd be a great way to do so (if you don't have some done already!)

    Anyway, it's my first time commenting on your blog, and here I go giving all sorts of unsolicited advice. I do hope it helps, and isn't too irksome to read in any way. I wish you the best of luck with everything!!

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  3. My husband and I have been on the waitlist since September. Since I was such a wreck during failed fertility treatments it was such a relief to tell people something positive. I think I have told everyone we know! Once the homestudy was done I made an announcement on facebook. Adoption is positive! And you will be parents! People will finally feel like they know what to say, advice will flow and 99% of what people say and do will feel wonderful to receive.
    Enjoy it!


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