Babysitting

Yesterday we babysat one of my nieces and one of my nephews for the whole day. My emotions were going up and down all day long. When my sister dropped them off, my nephew did something that made me realize how old he is getting. My sister's kids range in ages from 3 to 13, so one thing that has added to my sadness with IF is that our children will be so much younger than their cousins. We started trying to grow our family shortly after the youngest was born, so initially the age gap wouldn't have been that big. But now he will be 4 in two months and we are still a long ways from having a baby. Seeing him act so old made me sad.

A little bit later I was on the computer while he was playing the Wii. He came in and sat on my lap and we found a website with kid games. It was so cute to have him there with me and play these games together. I just wanted to squeeze him and never let him go. We went out to play football in the backyard and I was thinking that I just wanted to go to an adoption agency and say, can you "get me one of these in size 6 months?"

My niece was not as interested in spending time with us. She is very creative and about a year ago I tried to teach her to crochet, but she couldn't quite get it. I thought yesterday would have been a good time for another lesson, but she was much more interested in watching D1sney channel. Oh well.

Busy weekend

We had quite a busy weekend. Friday night I started cleaning out this big closet that is basically my "throw it in there" place where I put things I don't think about. I also put tons of boxes and packing supplies in there whenever we get a package. I had to clean it out because at some point right before Christmas last year, my mom sent us our present early: a Roomba! We loved it. And it worked great for about 9 months. Since our 1 year warranty is hitting the endpoint, we need to get it fixed. That meant I needed to pull out a year's worth of junk thrown in the closet to find the original box and packing slip with proof of purchase. Fortunately it was still there and it gave me a chance to organize the closet.

I am also taking this opportunity to get rid of some packing popcorn and various bubble wrap. A lot of this is leftover from when we moved to this house 2 years ago and some we acquired from various packages. I have a hard time getting rid of boxes and packing supplies. I think it has to with how much I moved around throughout my life. I never want to get rid of boxes because before I know it, I'm moving again. But we definitely plan to stay in this house for a while, so I guess I can let go of some of these moving supplies.

Saturday my nephew had this robotics competition and we saw him use the robot and tried to watch him do the oral presentation, but that was closed to the audience. But we were there to give moral support. Even my IL's came, even though my nephew is from my side of the family. His team did well, although they didn't make it to the next round. But considering they were mostly 6th graders and the competition went up to 12th grade, they did pretty well.

We also went with my ILs to a home tour in the area. DH and I love home tours and open houses. Basically we love getting inside other people's homes and snooping around. This particular tour had a bunch of homes in our neighborhood that had always intrigued me. But then we went inside and found out there wasn't much there to be jealous of. This one house had this historic entry way with an elaborate staircase. But then you move into the living room and see a bed in the next room on the way to the kitchen. There were no doors separating the room, just a bed right in the middle of the room. And the house got weirder from there.

Today after church we went to an art show and then I spent the day working in the yard. I planted some more flowers and trimmed the front lawn. Then I tried out our new blower/vaccuum and love it! Our yard looks so much neater and I was able to pick up a whole bunch of leaves. But I still can't wait until our fall yardwork is done. I enjoyed doing our front yard, but now the leaves is just work. We were even talking about it and the type of leaves we have are not even the pretty leaves like maple leaves. They are small and just shrivel up and make the yard look ugly rather than something you want to pile up and jump in.

Nieces and nephews

I posted yesterday about some thoughts on the child-free/childless blog. But there was something else that bothered me about that post. She dismissed the joys some of us get from our nieces and nephews.

Logically I know of course that my love for my nieces and nephews is not that same as the love my sisters have for them. But that does not diminish the joy they bring to my life. And they do bring real joy. Take just my oldest niece, for example. I remember being at work the day my sister started having labor pains. I called home every 20 minutes to see if it was time to drive to the hospital. I remember reading to her for the first time. I remember feeling lonely while studying abroad halfway across the world and hearing her say my name for the first time. It was a misprounounced toddlerized version of my name, but it still made my heart soar. And it brought even more joy when I learned she remembered those phone calls and started saying my name every time her mother was on the phone.

I laughed when she was three and clomped around in my way too big for her tennis shoes. We laughed together when she was 11 and gave me a pair of too-small-for-her-but-just-right-for-me tennis shoes. (yes, her mother has really big feet as well)

There are moments of sadness, though, when I think of my nieces and nephews. Not because of what they do, but because they remind me of the joy that children bring and that I wish dearly could be in our house all the time. I get sad when I think that any kids we do eventually have won't have same age cousins to play with. I enjoy seeing my youngest niece and hearing her updates, but I also remember the despair I felt when my little sister gave birth to her after we had our IF diagnosis.

My sister called me a few days ago and asked me to babysit her kids overnight. She works at Starbucks and when my BIL is out of town, it makes more sense for them to spend the night at our house rather than have her try to find a babysitter who is willing to show up at 4:30am so she can open the store. Usually that is fine, although this particular weekend I have a big event on Saturday and she also needed me to take my nephew to his soccer game so I wasn't sure the logistics would work out. We each needed to double check some times, so we agreed to talk again the next day. In the meantime, I started thinking of the fun I could have with the kids: playing games, making blueberry pancakes. When she called the next day and said it might too much work and she would find a babysitter, I was disappointed. I want to spend this time with them. I don't want to miss out on this fun. So we worked it out and the kids will be here in a few hours.

And then I read the blog about how nieces and nephews just don't cut it in terms of providing joy in our lives. That is something I won't accept.