Down

Thanks for everyone's thoughts on breastfeeding. I think I am going to give it a try, but without taking any supplements. So, now I'm looking into pumps to start getting ready prior to the birth and the lact-aid system to use as a supplement once he is born. Be prepared to learn more about my adventures as this continues...

In other news, I'm having a bit of a crisis of confidence the past two days. There is not really anything rational that is putting doubts in my head. But the past week has been a big one in my family. Not one, but two nieces have been born. Both my sister and sister in law were due for babies in February and decided to come a bit early. Of course, I am happy for my siblings and the girls are quite adorable, but this had made me stress about what will happen in our situation. Long-time readers may remember the depression my younger sister's first child left me in. And some those of you who were around 9 months ago may remember the double whammy of getting both pregnancy announcements in one day. So I guess the fact that these births did not leave me in a crying lump on the floor should be seen as an improvement.

But ever since getting the news of my nieces' births, I've found it much harder to hang on to my "positive thinking-stay excited" that I have been using to deal with this period of waiting. I want our son to have the excited, much anticipated welcome that he deserves, so I've pushed the negative "what if" thoughts down to focus on the positive. But now they are bubbling up despite my best efforts.

Deep down, I am scared that this will not turn out the way I hope. I know I use the term "my son," but the truth is that right now he is not. I've given him a name when I have no right to and placed all my hopes and dreams here, but everything can come crashing down again.