We are super busy getting ready for our son. The induction is scheduled for March 7. In the adoption world, two months seems like a lifetime to prepare. Although compared to women who are pregnant, it is not much. And here's the thing, we have a lot more to do than the average pregnant couple. I've been making statements to family about how busy we are preparing. And the response is always some form of "babies don't really need all that stuff." Yeah, sure, I get that. But it also rubs me the wrong way for two reasons.
One, people don't realize how much extra you have to do for adoption. Yes, I am spending time painting the nursery this week and quilting. But I also spent several hours talking to lawyers in two different states. I also received a long list of documents I need to produce, including some we don't have, such as certified copies of our birth certificates. I also spent time figuring out what hotel we will stay in during our ICPC time. Etc. Etc. And if I have to listen to you complain about how hard it is to be pregnant, you can listen to me complain about dealing with lawyers. Both are things we are perfectly happy to put up with to get the end result, but still in the moment it is frustrating.
And then there is the idea that we shouldn't want the same thing for our son that nearly all mothers want for their children. If a pregnant woman says she is tired because they spent the day painting the nursery, no one comments that she shouldn't have bothered because the baby wouldn't notice it anyway. If I was pregnant and spent 9 months crocheting blankets and hats and booties and making quilts, no one would tell me I was wasting my time because "babies don't really need all that stuff." No, people would be impressed that I spent so much time and energy making something from the heart. If I want to show my love for my son by making him a matching hat and blanket, that's what I will do. I won't have a traditional labor, but these projects are my labor of love.
Dancing in the Rain…
5 years ago
Welcome to parenthood... no matter what you choose and when you choose to do it someone will complain and tell you not to waste your time, money, energy, etc... you're doing what you need to, just like any expectant parent... and like any expectant parent you're going to get advice you don't want (people do complain about these same things to people that are carrying the baby).
ReplyDeleteWhat state are you going too? We went to Texas and were only there 6 days. When you pack, buy some plates that can go in the microwave and some silverware. Those seem to be items often forgotten and you will be eating a lot of take out unless you get a place with a stove/oven.
ReplyDeleteGlad you wrote about this because I'm sure I have made the same offhand comment about all the stuff and probably unintentionally offended someone. You are right that PAPs just have to do so much more than pregnant parents just by the nature of the adoption process and less time to do the fun baby stuff. But I do agree on some level that certain gigantic stores (cough, babiesrus, cough) and the baby stuff industry in general prey upon expectant parents' fears about not having the right stuff. I don't know, I just hope you are able to have some fun with building the nursery and buying baby clothes, and that it isn't all stress.
ReplyDeleteI have just caught up on all your recent posts; so first of all, congratulations on your match! I'm praying that all goes well for you this time.
ReplyDelete"These projects are my labor of love"... That brought tears to my eyes! Try to block out what people say, I know it's not easy but I agree with Kate - there will always be someone to disagree with your parenting choices.
Hi! Please email me, I have a question for you! :)
ReplyDeleteHeatherVonsj (at) gmail (dot) com