Breakdown

Well, there were two reasons I haven't been posting. One, nothing has really been happening. We are just waiting...and waiting. I did pretty well when the due date of our failed match came around, so I thought I was handling things pretty well. I even saw my pregnant sister and SIL over Thanksgiving and my adorable nieces without getting down. The other reason I haven't been posting is that I have been so slammed at work. I have been up working until midnight every night this week, including this weekend. One more week of this and hopefully things will settle down.

However, today it all came rushing at me. Seriously, I had a breakdown in Starbucks and started crying into my peppermint mocha. We were supposed to have a baby by now. I had plans to make this really cute pumpkin hat for our October baby, and then secretly I was thinking it could still work if we had a November baby. But now I am realizing it will be another baby-free Christmas for us. And no one seems to understand that we are expectant parents. I was planning my mom's visit for the holidays and she was saying how she wanted to spend a few days with us before spending a few days with my sister. I said it would be fun to have her help me get the nursery organized and she was not excited at all about that. Today at mass they had the usual Advent blessing for expectant parents and I think that is what put me over the edge. I just couldn't handle that. In past years, the priest would mention those expecting or hoping to expect, but this year it was just "hey all you pregnant people."

There is an added stress going on here. Our agency has stopped responding to me. It has not been total radio silence, as I've been getting emails they send out to all their waiting couples and I know we've been shown a couple of times. But six months after completing all our paperwork, I still don't have a copy of our finished homestudy. I want to send it to other agencies so we can increase the number of times we are shown, but they just don't respond to my requests for it. I have started cc'ing my contact's boss in my attempts. I have been told twice now that she will get it to me in a week, the last over a month ago. She's had some family issues and I want to be understanding, but at the same time, it has been several months. If one social worker has so many family issues she can't stay in contact with us, then we need someone else. I just feel like life is passing us by and nothing is happening while this woman never returns our phone calls.