First night

Dear son,
You are 22 hours old now. So far your favorite activities are eating, sleeping and pooping. You are getting the hang of this eating thing. We've had some good nursing sessions in, although I don't think there's been any breast milk so far. I can definitely say that it is true that nursing is great for bonding even if you only get the supplement. For me, there is nothing like looking down at you when you are nursing. You are so cute with how you raise your eyebrows.

In marking your "firsts", I should note your first time using FaceTime was to talk to your uncle D and cousins. They were all smiles. Grandma was upset she couldn't be your first FaceTime, but she eventually got her phone figured out and you were wide awake to talk to her.

We had a good first night together. Your daddy and I had to share a small bed, but we made it work. I didn't sleep much because I kept wanting to check that you were still breathing. We had to wake you up for your 4am feeding, but by 6am, you were up and letting us know it was time to eat now. Other than that, you have been a peaceful baby and didn't cry much. Daddy and I made a good team last night and we think we can manage this well.

Birth day

5:00

We wake up at the time M was checking into the hospital.

6:30

We arrive at the hospital and are introduced to the waiting room. Luckily we have it all to ourselves.

7:10

I check my email and find an email from M. She couldn't sleep last night. She asked that we name the baby Seven, with the name we picked out as his middle name. Umm, no. But she can put what she wants on the birth certificate. How do we handle this?

Then the nurse comes out to update us. They've had some delays and M is just getting prepped now. They expect the baby to be born at around 8 or so, and will let us look in the glass at the nursery. We thought we would have more access than that. And, M wants to meet us after she is back in her room, at 9 or so. She previously said she did not want to see us at the hospital. And the caseworker won't be here until this afternoon (don't ask).

So in the space of a few minutes, everything seemed to be changing. And to round it out, another family came to join us and we now longer had the waiting room to ourselves. We go downstairs to call the caseworker to get some advice. She says to just be ourselves.

8:10

Still waiting. Might as well vote for my niece Zoe in the singing competition at www.mix929.com

8:35

I begin wondering whether we should go check on whether you have been born yet. The nurse said they would come get us, but now I'm anxious. E says we should wait until 9, I compromise to 8:45.

8:42

I can't take it anymore and we go to the desk to ask. You are born and we can go look at the nursery! We finally get to see you and you are perfect! So small and so cute! You are cold and they don't have a blanket on you yet. We only get to stand outside the nursery looking in while the nurse, Amy, cleans you up and takes all your vitals. We meet M's friend who is also looking at you. She is very nice and tells us all about your birth. M is doing well and you are completely healthy! 6 pounds, 2 ounces. You were born at 8:35. A few minutes later the doctor comes out to talk to us and the nurse gives me a wrist band.

At this point things become a bit of a blur. We don't get to hold you until almost noon and it was driving us crazy. We stood outside the nursery the whole time because we didn't want to leave your side. The hospital staff kept walking by and telling us congratulations. The hospital has been pretty good although I don't know how they are treating M.

We finally get to take you out of the nursery and hold you. We have our own room to stay in here all night with you. I got to give you your first hug and kiss. We tried breast feeding and you did great! Let's hope that keeps up. And after the feeding came the first diaper and I got the pleasure of changing that big mess.

We called our family and sent pictures and everyone agrees you are so handsome. The nurse brought you to M, so she could meet you. I know they took some pictures together, so I hope there is a way for you to see them someday. Your daddy bought some flowers for M. M's friend bought you a cute and soft teddy bear. Everyone loves you so much!

The only thing that is frustrating is that the agency caseworker is not here yet. That seems bizarre to me and is awkward since we have not met M and are not in a place to talk directly to her.

Tonight

We made it safely to the birth state and are now settled into our hotel room, which has a view across the street to the hotel. We are doing well, although I'm getting really nervous. We are going to get to bed early (as if I'll be able to sleep). The agency has said the birthmother was in a much better mood in the last few days than she was previously. I guess that is a good sign that she is at peace with the decision. The hospital appears to be familiar with adoptions and said we will be able to spend time with the baby as we want. They do have a number of c-sections scheduled, so it seems it will be pretty busy there and so that might make us get squeezed out.

We went out for breakfast on Sunday to one of our usual places. While we were there, we saw a Caucasian couple with a little Black boy. E practically had to glue me to the seat to stop me from going to talk to them. But I just kept thinking that soon that will be us!

I'll try update you guys with what happens tomorrow, although I don't know what the schedule will be like.

One more day

Well, we are on our way. I ended up working all day yesterday, even though I had planned to leave early. And there is still one thing I need to finish when we are in the car today. After that, I made it clear that they are not to keep bothering me with work requests, unless there is some big emergency. I have heard others say that the communication is still pretty open when they were on leave, but that is not happening to me.

Yesterday I was in a very peaceful place. Not feeling too overwhelmed, but not too giddy with excitement either. Today and I am starting to get nervous and anxious. There Re just so many unknowns and of course motherhood is something you can't really prepare for.

To keep my mind off of it, I have been focusing on helping my niece. She is a finalist in a radio singing contest! Please go to www.mix929.com and vote for Zoe Phillips. She is so talented, but is usually too shy to be in the spotlight like this. We are so proud of her. You can vote from 7am to 7pm central time. One vote per day per IP address.

Updates

Thanks for all your good thoughts. And thanks to Becky for walking me through this induced breastfeeding! I was getting discouraged because AF left a few days ago and still nothing has returned, but then I just as I read your comment, I was pumping while online and then another drop appeared, so I feel better that something is coming back. I know that it is different once you get a baby to suck.

We are still busy working on our to-do list. I have massive loads of laundry to do. Not that I will be taking my entire wardrobe, but I hate returning to a messy house and want to gets things in place before we leave. And we are putting up additional rods and shelves in the nursery closet to get that organized. And a handful of other chores to do.

I'm sure you guys have heard about the tornadoes that went through several states a few days ago. There was a tornado in my city, but not too close to my house. We did have a pretty bad hailstorm. Today I noticed some hail damage to my car. It's not that bad (it did take me 2 days to notice), but of course it added to my argument that a new car should come sooner rather than later!

Last weekend

I have entered a weird phase where I don't feel very excited. That is not quite the right way to say what I feel. But my sister came over today to see the finished nursery and she was all giddy and I couldn't go there. I think I've moved to a feeling of "this is really happening-OMG-my life is going to totally change-are we ready for this-freaking out." I am not sure how I am going to get through the next few days.

Here are my updates. I'm not sure what to make of the breastfeeding progress. After a few days of having a drop or two come out, I'm all dried up. AF came and that seemed to end everything. So, I don't know what to think now about how that will go.

We told our family not to come for the first week. My mom and E's parents will come out to the birth state about the time the revocation period will be done. I feel much better about this arrangement and my mom seemed OK with it.

Thanks for all your thoughts on cars and carseats. A new car is not in our near future, but we'll see how frustrated I get with this car. I am actually the type of person who learns to deal with inconveniences, so Simon will probably stick around a little longer.

Because I'm  a glutton for punishment, I still plan on working on Monday! But that will be my last day. I will be mostly spending the day meeting with people to tell them about all the work that will be dumped on them.

Time for a New Car?

I am the type of person to resist buying a new car just because you have kids. I mean, my mom lugged us around in her little sedan and didn't feel the need for a huge car. So, yes, I was judgmental at all those who went out and bought big cars when they started having kids.

And then today I put our carseat in the car and ... I want a new car! I just never realized how small the backseat of our car is. I installed it behind the passenger seat because there was no way my husband could drive the car with it behind the driver's seat. And even the front passenger will be squeezed with how far up the seat needs to be.  I was young and broke and right out of college when I bought Simon (yes, I named my car), and things like power windows and locks seemed like luxuries back then. But dealing with locking the door while holding even the empty carrier was a big hassle. Now poor old Simon's 10th birthday is coming up, so we have already started saving for a replacement. But I think we may be moving up that timeline. One serving of crow coming up.

And an update to my previous post. I sent off an indignant email to the hotel. If I don't hear anything and am bored in our drive to the birth state next week, I may make a phone call.