Training day 1

I just returned from a conference, but still have thoughts from the first day of our agency training swirling around. First, it was much more emotionally draining than I thought it would. The hubby expected it to be so, but I thought it would focus more on legal issues, paperwork, etc. But they jumped right into the adoptive family, who gave their story and had us all in tears (even as they had us all thinking they were crazy for the degree of openness they have). The funny part is they sat in our places just last year and remember thinking the family who came to visit their training was crazy for having such an open relationship with their birthmother. But one year later they have a cute baby and a very open adoption. I guess it just goes to show that you never know where this journey will take you.

Second, we met some great couples. It is hard b/c part of me views these couples as our "competition." But we did connect with some and they seem like wonderful people. And we did bond by sharing some of the feelings of loss we have gone through with IF.

Since we had gone to the adoptive family conference a few months ago, most of the material was actually the same that we learned then (in terms of focusing on how to be successful adoptive parents). So it wasn't as valuable to us in that respect. They even had one of the same birthmothers give her story! There is one odd thing about this birthmother (not that she was odd, but it did make us worry about somehthing). She is local and of my religion. She said it was important to her to have the adoptive parents be of the same religion. She told us many facts about the adoptive parents, including their name, neighborhood, mentioned a church, and names of her birthchild and a subsequent sibling through another adoption. So now we are wondering if the adoptive family goes to our church! On the one hand, it would be great to continue to expand our network of adoptive families. But then it would be odd to meet them and know so much about them already.

Our second training is this weekend. So stay tuned!

Talking about the paperwork

Last week, we got our paperwork and thought we should talk about the issues a little bit each night. Well, that first night we picked the worst question and it did not go well. So we changed tactics and dedicated one evening to discussing all the questions. Last night was our night. We opened a bottle of wine and braced ourselves for a rough night.

It actually was a great experience. There were some tough questions, but we tackled them honestly and openly in a way that left us feeling better. We even came to some realizations about ourselves, our values, and how we interact with each other. Who knew adoption was the best marriage counseling you could get?

Paperwork

We met with our caseworker this week and went over all the paperwork. So now we have our assignments. I do think it is a little weird that everything is filled out separately by each of us. I can see that for some things, but for others it would seem we should work on them together. Regardless, we are going to spend an evening next week talking through all the questions. Some of them I saw and was not even sure what type of answer would be appropriate. We are going to talk about them together, write our answers up separately, and then read what each other wrote.

I like her

I recently met this new woman at our church. We went out for coffee today to get to know each other better. She has a young daughter and we were talking about family. I ask if her and her husband think they will have any more children. Her answer was basically yes they will try in a few months because the timing would work out with her school schedule, but she also acknowledged that you can make all the plans you want but never know what will happen. I wish everyone could realize that not all plans work out. I think I'll keep this new friend.

Maybe you should start a blog

Sorry it's been so long! I guess I just haven't had much to report. We've continued telling people about our adoption and now I feel like most people I interact with regularly know. We have not made much progress on the adoption itself. I thought we had to wait until our training in April, but in going through our last letter from the agency again yesterday (that we received weeks ago), I realized that we were supposed to make an appointment with our caseworker before the training to get all the materials and go through the process. Oops. I thought we were getting the materials at the training. Oh well. I called today and we have our appointment next week.

Tonight I had my book club and it was a small group, but I filled them in about our adoption plans. They were excited and one person there said she is obsessed with adoption and foster care. She is moving shortly, but is planning on starting foster care in her new location. Instead of talking about the book, I mostly told them about the adoption process (ok, we often talk about things other than the book at our book club meetings). They were interested in the process and at one point someone said, "maybe you should start a blog about this process." I changed the subject, but thought that was pretty funny. If only she knew.

It was only a matter of time

There is a couple at church that we are friendly with, even gone out for brunch after mass. We caught up with them on Ash Wednesday and they said they started going to a different time for mass. That explains why we hadn't seen them in a few months. We were talking with the husband and he asked what's the drama in our life these days. So we told him about our adoption plans. It turns out that they also have had trouble conceiving and looked a bit into adoption, but never pursued it. We didn't go into many details then, just said that we could tell them more later if they were interested. I was feeling good that maybe we could help someone else navigate this process. But then as we were saying goodbye, he said, "another set of friends who are having a baby, that always happens." He said it in a kind of cheerful fashion, but I felt so bad. I don't want to be the source of more pain for someone who is struggling with IF.

Coming out

Well, we have continued to tell people about our adoption. We are really just starting to bring it up in normal conversation now. I have lost count of how many I've told recently just because it's been so many. The reactions have been varied, but all excited. Most people don't have any experience with adoption, but one friend's family has been touched by adoption quite a lot so she had tons of things to say. And now that her family is complete she is going to start giving me things she no longer needs.