Friday, May 22, 2009

Loss

When I first turned to the Internet before we started TTC, I had no idea what was in store for me. I joined message boards before but the community was never very stable or cohesive. The community I found on iVillage and the ALI blogging community have been an amazing source of support for me through this long journey.

When my blogging friends experience a loss, I feel the loss as well. We go through these times together. So please go give my friend Katie some support. She has been strong and an inspiration for how to endure and support others. Her husband has been battling leukemia and passed away yesterday. Katie and her family are in my thoughts and prayers.

Monday, May 18, 2009

For the dogs

I watch a lot of HGTV and TLC. It's my addiction. But there are some shows where I draw the line. And when I saw the ads for their Leader of the Pack show, I knew the line had to be there. If you haven't seen the show or the ads, this show gives a family 8 dogs and each week they vote one dog out of the house, until they finally pick their new dog.

But last night, after saying goodbye to my hubby for a whole week, I found myself sucked in to HGTV and my addiction took over. I watched the season finale. It is just as bad as it sounds. At times it seemed like a parody of a reality TV show. They had both the mom and the dad individually lobbying the son and the daughter to vote for the dog they wanted (the mom and dad lobbied for different dogs). They had the brother who wanted dog A, but wanted to vote for dog B just to throw the tribe family for a loop. The confessionals with the stage-whispered voices and super-closeups (so close you could see up their noses). The vote on specially designed paper placed anonymously in a fire hydrant. Except the voting paper looked more like a dog-shaped note paper torn from a pad you might find at the dollar store and write your shopping list on. You could feel the fake tension in the air as the host read each vote and it was (gasp!) tied going in to the last vote.

Friday, May 15, 2009

RE update

Some thoughts from my most recent RE appt:

1. Apparently my diagnosis is “ovulatory infertility,” which, when she described it, sounded an awful like unexplained infertility. She doesn’t think the male factor is that big a problem given hubby’s second SA results. Even though the lab that did the test called his motility and morphology “low”, she thought it was pretty normal. So either the first SA was a bad test or the vitamins he’s been taking have worked. As for me, she is concerned about the variable length of my cycles and short LP phase which would indicate not very good ovulation. She doesn’t think I have endo and as for PCOS which she previously thought I had, said I have only a mild variant of it.

2. Her clinic recently moved locations to this brand new facility. Still part of the same university hospital, but in a different location. Actually, the hospital converted a shopping mall to a medical clinic where the big stores on the outside on the first floor are still retail (so you can move straight from your OB appt to Babies R Us…less helpful if your visit is for IF). The inside of the mall on the first floor are hospital administration offices (billing, etc). The second floor is where all the clinics are, plus a bagel shop. This was quite a strange experience although it seems to work. I was tempted to stop by Michael’s on my way out.

3. This new clinic is all state of the art. Very high tech. The doctor spends the whole appointment typing away on the computer, which is kinda weird but then you can see the impact when she can easily review your status and know your whole history at the follow-up appointment. And I like the online system where you can message your doctor. But sometimes all these high tech goodies really seems unnecessary.

For instance.

When you show up at this clinic, instead of checking in with the nice ladies at the front counter, there are automated kiosks like you see at airports. They check you in, verify your current contact information and insurance, and can take any co-pays by credit card. It does not seem to me like these functions take all that much time or the lines are so long that taking this function away from real live people saves all that much. Especially since the next thing you do after using the kiosk is talk to the lady at the counter. She gives you the medical info sheet to complete and--get this--a buzzer! to let you know when the nurse is ready to see you. You get the fantastic experiences of both an airport and an overcrowded restaurant all before someone starts shoving things into your private parts (which, if you think about it, kinda goes with the airport theme).

4. Since I’ve had 3 unsuccessful cycles on clo.mid and this cycle I appear to have O’d without clo.mid, I had some blood drawn to check my progesterone levels. My temps definitely indicate I O’d on my own, but hopefully this will confirm that. The next step is to schedule an HSG for the first part of my next cycle.

5. She gave me a prescription for letrozole (Fem.ara). I’m a little worried about using a drug off-label. Need to learn more about this. I'm especially worried that it might cause birth defects.

6. When they designed this new clinic, apparently they thought people have gotten larger because the chairs are super wide. The chairs in the waiting areas seem normal enough, but once you are in the treatment rooms they get oddly wide. Not wide enough to be called a bench. Only one adult could sit there, or two little kids. But you can’t really sit there comfortably because they are so wide that the arm rests are too far apart.

7. She said we could go straight to IUI if we wanted, but since I’m young there is no need to rush and we can give it a few tries on another drug. I at least want to get the HSG done before we start with IUI.

8. She also said I could stand to lose 10 pounds to help with my ovulatory infertility. Ugh, I’ve been trying, really.

9. This appointment was both frustrating and encouraging. I left feeling like I had a plan and might see a baby at the end of this relatively soon. But frustrating because she took my diagnosis away! Unexplained IF is not fun at all (not that any IF is any fun).

9. I asked my hubby if it was weird to give the semen sample in a dr office, but not specifically about showing up in a OB/GYN's office. While I was sitting in the waiting room, a man shows up by himself and checks in. Why else would a man be at a women's health center by himself? The entire shopping mall clinic does have other offices, but this section was at the end and most definitely focused on women's health.

Tuesday, May 12, 2009

Shopping

I stopped buying clothes over a year ago. Once we had decided to try to have a baby, I figured it was a waste to spend money on clothes now. I mean, pretty soon only maternity clothes would fit me anyway. Those pants may look fab now, not worth that money to just wear them a couple times before needing an elastic band.

OK, I'll admit I didn't stop buying clothes completely, after all there were some months when some major retail therapy was needed to get through it. I would rationalize it by saying it would give me motivation to get back in shape after a pregnancy.

But there was one piece of clothing I resisted all this time. Even though I needed replacements for existing wardrobe pieces. There is after all one body part that people say never gets the same shape back after a baby. I couldn't rationalize buying these when I thought I had a good chance of getting pregnant in the next several months. I'm not sure if my need for this particular item of clothing just became dire enough or if my perception of the chances of getting pregnant went down, but I finally broke down and bought it.

Yes, I bought a new bra. Three of them, actually. That's how long I've been putting off this purchase.

Sunday, May 10, 2009

We all rock!

Happy OMG You Rock Day! This was a great day. Not only did I get a terrific gift from my OMG You Rock buddy, Sunflower Childe, but more importantly I had a reason to look forward to today. It is hard to escape M Day in our society as it takes over restaurants, church, newspapers, TV, etc. I'm not opposed to celebrating mothers. I love my mom. But the day leaves other women left out. Women who may very well by worthy of a little celebrating but b/c they lack those three little letters (mom) they don't get to participate in this national celebration.

Today was different. Today I had something to do and somewhere to go (the Stirrup Queen Ballroom forum). I had a community of people who would celebrate with me. I felt I belonged. Thank you.

Here is a picture of my awesome gift. I love red and I love ice cream, so this will get lots of use.

Thursday, May 7, 2009

HCG

How bad is it if a major league baseball player can see more lines on a home pregnancy test that you can?

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

OMG

I just have to say I'm really looking forward to OMG You Rock Day. As the big M day is getting closer and it's appearing in various media, I'm so glad we can have our own celebration. Thank you to Liv for turning a day of dread into something I can't wait to arrive.

Plus I love what I made for my OMG buddy. I hope she loves it as well! And I hope it arrives on time, there was a little confusion with the UPS guy.
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