tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post6107331351234458961..comments2023-07-07T06:21:48.659-05:00Comments on My Scarlet baby: Doing it all?Missyhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10030801926318157162noreply@blogger.comBlogger10125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-6892101810500583952012-12-21T10:56:17.434-06:002012-12-21T10:56:17.434-06:00Trying this again, as blogger apparently ate my fi...Trying this again, as blogger apparently ate my first attempt at a comment. . . .<br /><br />Found my way here via threegeminis, and I love this post. I agree 100% that we need to own our choices. While it would be easy for me, as the primary wage earner in our household, to say that I "had to" go back to work full time after our sons were born, the fact is, I chose to do so. Granted it was a choice born of my desire to afford my sons a middle-to-upper-middle class upbringing and to maintain our pre-children standard of living, but it was a choice nonetheless.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08872513410814268769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-39282065795678850362012-12-21T10:54:03.644-06:002012-12-21T10:54:03.644-06:00Found your blog through threegeminis, and I love t...Found your blog through threegeminis, and I love this post. I completely agree that you have to own the choices you make. It would be easy for me, as the primary wage earner in our household, to say that I "had to" go back to work after our sons were born, but the truth is, I chose to. Sure, it was a choice borne primarily of a desire to give my sons a solidly middle-to-upper-middle class upbringing and to maintain our pre-children standard of living, but it was a choice nonetheless.<br /><br />I have also learned that I am OK with half-doing most things, but not others. It can be difficult finding that balance when you are used to doing everything a certain way.Shttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08872513410814268769noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-7352666565145437862012-12-21T07:36:58.311-06:002012-12-21T07:36:58.311-06:00"...I know that if there was a silver bullet,..."...I know that if there was a silver bullet, surely we would all know it by now"--> Truth. So very true. <br /><br />What it comes down to, for me, when I am struggling with the self-comparison with those who seem to do it all is this: We're different. Our families' respective needs are different. Our individual needs are different. I see friends, too, who make elaborate dinners or who are constantly crafting up amazing trinkets for their kids, and I recognize that I can do this *some* of the time...but the rest of the time? I'd much rather be reading to my kid, or snuggling with him at night, or spending that time with my husband. Those are my worthy trade-offs, choices I happily and comfortably make. It'so important (understatement) to understand what brings you true contentment...<br /><br />Rhiannahttp://archmama.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-43947360126652360732012-12-21T04:16:56.762-06:002012-12-21T04:16:56.762-06:00YES! There is NO silver bullet!! I find that I'...YES! There is NO silver bullet!! I find that I'm more of an "all of half the things" person in that I try to do "work" and "Mom" to as close to 100% as I can (within our situation) while leaving house (cleaning lady) and cooking (sandwiches, frozen pizzas, an apple!) close to 0%, or maybe a tiny bit more... And I don't even have time to be on pinterest, so how could I find more things to do?!?!<br /><br />That being said it sounds like you are doing an amazing job! The fact that you are crocheting your son's stocking is AWESOME! As is, btw, the crock pot. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-27333365135373120232012-12-20T16:55:30.395-06:002012-12-20T16:55:30.395-06:00I love this post. Where you talk about what is pos...I love this post. Where you talk about what is possible vs what is realistic...yes...<br />And I worry so much about the fact our 9-month-old twins aren't attached to me...sometimes they cry for mommy but usually they are happy to go to anyone and they have had tons of exposure to Dad and both grandmas...I worry that that means I'm doing something wrong...our doctor told us last visit that the only time she hasn't seen babies shy away from others is with a teen mom who went back to school and let everyone else take care of her baby...gulp...am I going to be the only other exception on my doctor's list?...actually now I'm really worried about this...<br />And also, asking what is the money for? I too am using my earnings for college funds and also we will use them to travel and expose our kids to stuff that way and also to take some stress out of our finances so things aren't so tight. Honestly, a big part of the reason I'm working is my husband really wants me to contribute a little...and that's a little hard, but I do try to focus on the advantages that money brings....and specific things vs just dumping it into a general fund<br />Still, never easy decisions...Kristenhttp://www.buckupbuttercup.netnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-8028861802445011882012-12-20T12:13:59.784-06:002012-12-20T12:13:59.784-06:00Gemini Momma was like "Missy's post is th...Gemini Momma was like "Missy's post is the BOMB, y'all" and she is RIGHT. Doing it all half-way is EXACTLY how I feel, although maybe doing half of it, half-way is closer to the truth. It is amazing to me what I used to care about doing versus what never even enters my mind now. Letting go of the NEED to do it, and GUILT of not doing is far more challenging than just doing it, some days. But I don't WANNA!<br /><br />Also, this? "I think we have to stop asking ourselves "enough" questions" needs to be stitched on a pillow. STAT. <br /><br />Awesome post. :)SRBhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17772530853175744367noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-29651535573082997142012-12-19T22:32:28.875-06:002012-12-19T22:32:28.875-06:00"There is no end-state of perfect balance, bu..."There is no end-state of perfect balance, but a constant process of self-correction when we are leaning too much in any direction. " -- I totally love this line. <br /><br />Also, I love your two stress reducing strategies. I feel like I should pin these on my fridge to remind myself of every day!Joshttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13423295019681051881noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-37824293670483366292012-12-14T18:27:57.099-06:002012-12-14T18:27:57.099-06:00Great post! You've verbalised one of the main ...Great post! You've verbalised one of the main reasons I've gone back to work. Which is, by spending a little less time with James now means we can provided for him better in the future. And even though money isn't everything giving him the best education and opportunities when he's older is. Kaceyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13408111476161374814noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-35656716134417177872012-12-14T10:40:25.020-06:002012-12-14T10:40:25.020-06:00BRAVO! This is one of my favorite posts of yours E...BRAVO! This is one of my favorite posts of yours EVER and I just want to do a copy/paste and slap it straight onto my blog! THIS: "Sometimes it feels like I am half-doing it all. Not doing half of everything, but doing everything but only half way." is it exactly in a nutshell. For me, the biggest stress reducer has been learning to just be okay with the half-doing of it all because really, is there any other way!? Not that I have found, and while maybe other people CAN do it all, I cannot. Coming to a place of acceptance with that makes my heart happy. <br /><br />I will try really hard not to plagiarize this post, but I make no promises. ;)Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7190144653162636685.post-90240159166947401782012-12-14T08:11:26.616-06:002012-12-14T08:11:26.616-06:00Thank you so much for sharing this. My daughter i...Thank you so much for sharing this. My daughter is 5 and I still feel like I am struggling to figure out how to balance everything. Your comment of feeling like you are doing everything helf way is exactly what I have described to my wife and my therapist recently. I still stress about whether I'm reading to her enough and stimulating her enough, being present, supporting her emotionally etc. The list is endless. Especially at this time of year when there are more demands on our time and the pressure to be a great parent is so intense, I stress and I worry and I push myself to my limit mentally, emotionally and at times physically. I love the reminder that there is no perfect solution, we have to just keep at it and try to find the peace within ourselves to accept that yes we are good enough and we are doing this well. I hope you find that peace and enjoy the holidays. <br />Melissa in DurhamAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com